13 Common Themes in Every Happy Marriage

Hi all!

Coming from a divorced home, I know that marriage is hard.  Sometimes things just fall apart or don't work out.  But from the moment my now-husband proposed, I knew I wanted ours to be a forever thing.  So I started observing the people around me and studying their relationships.  I listened to their conversations, how they speak to each other, how they interact and how they react.  I took mental notes.  And I paid a lot of attention to my own relationship in the process.

Over time, I realized there are common themes in every unsuccessful marriage:  resentment, blame, indifference.  But there are commonalities in the successful ones, too.  And gradually, I came up with a list of things I think set happy couples apart:

1. ACKNOWLEDGMENT

This is so important!  We all need to feel seen and heard by the people we love.  And it's such an easy thing to give our partners.  Say hello when he comes home.  Look him in the eyes and smile.  Put down your phone and pay attention for a minute.  Some people think hatred is the worst thing; I think indifference is worse.

2. AFFECTION

It's obviously important to love your spouse.  But you also have to like them.  Even more important, let them know that you like them.  People like to feel liked!

Affection is easy in the beginning. You're infatuated and in love and can't get enough of that person.  But over time, our affection naturally dwindles.  The key is to find ways to hold on to it.  That's where this next theme comes into play ...

3. COMMUNICATION

Talk about the good things and the hard things.  Tell him what you need and what makes you happy.  Tell him why that thing he did last night was frustrating for you.  And then listen.  Listen to his needs and wants and frustrations.  Be open to his feedback and remember that it's okay to argue sometimes.  Talk it out until you find common ground!

4. Effort

There is no such thing as an effortless marriage.  Even happy couples have to work at it to make it last!  So make sure you're prioritizing your relationship and always do a little more than what's strictly necessarily.

5. FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a cornerstone of all successful relationships.  There will be times when your spouse lets you down.  Times when he says or does something that upsets you.  Don't hold on to that hurt and resentment.  Take the time to process what happened, then find a way to let it go. 

6. LAUGHTER

Happy couples laugh a lot.  They try to see the humor in what might otherwise be a frustrating situation.  The other day, my husband opened the cabinet and realized all the popcorn was gone.  At first, he was a little miffed and told me so.  I laughed and said, "well you drank all the beer!"  And then we both started laughing because guess what?  I don't drink beer!  Just like that, everything was back to normal!  Keep the little things light and save your serious arguments for the big things.

7. PASSION

Your spouse should be the one person that sets your soul on fire.  After ten years of friendship, dating, and now marriage, I still feel a little giddy every time I see my husband.  Part of it is our natural chemistry.  The other part is the huge effort we put towards keeping that passion alive (see theme #4 above)!

8. PERSPECTIVE

We are conditioned to believe the grass is always greener on the other side.  But every marriage, even happy ones, have little pitfalls and hard times.  Remember:  just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you have a bad marriage. 

9. PRAISE

Be genuine and generous with your praise.  Tell your spouse how much you appreciate him.  Recognize the things he does for you and your family.  See the things he does right instead of focusing on the things he does wrong. 

10. RESPECT

Happy couples respect each other.  When they do argue, they avoid blaming or name-calling.  There are times when I'll affectionately call my husband a "dumb-dumb" (he does the same to me) but it's only during lighthearted moments.  During arguments, name calling is 100% off limits.  At the end of the day, you have to respect your partner and your marriage.  Remember the golden rule and treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.

Along the same lines, pay attention to the conversations you have about your spouse.  Think about how your partner would feel if he was listening in.  Would he feel loved?  Respected?  If not, steer the conversation in a different direction.

11. Spontaneity

As the years go by, most couples fall into routines that rarely change.  That's just life!  But it's so important to keep things interesting in your marriage.  Pick a random spot on the map and take a road trip.  Make a candlelit dinner at home.  Leave a note in his lunchbox.  Try something a little outside of your comfort zone in the bedroom.  You might just have fun!

12. TOUCH

Make it a point to touch your spouse every single day.  It could be a hug or a kiss on the forehead or a hand massage.  It could be something more intimate.  Whatever you choose, remember that skin-to-skin contact is part of every healthy marriage.  Sometimes I don't notice how tense I feel until my husband hugs me.  Immediately, my shoulders relax and I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding.  That's the magic of touch.

13. UNDERSTANDING

There will be times when your husband says something hurtful or lashes out.  He's a human being just like you.  Instead of reacting or taking offense, remind him that you are on his side.  And once he's ready, talk about what's really going on.

I know this article is called 13 Common Themes in Every Happy Marriage.  But if you've made it this far, you deserve a bonus theme!  So here it is (drum roll please) ...

BONUS:  SHARED RESPONSIBILITY

Nothing spells disaster for a relationship like one partner taking on most (or all) of the responsibilities. When you're married, you're part of a team.  So pull your weight - and if your spouse is lagging behind, ask him politely to pick up the slack ;)

Even if you are already in a happy relationship, I hope this list helps you through the hard times.  I hope you remember to like (not just love) your spouse and to praise his efforts.  I hope you can forgive him when he inevitably does something wrong.  And I hope you find a way to push through with the knowledge that there will be good years and bad years and that it's all worth it in the end.

Wishing you all the happiness in the world,

Lace

My 2017 Summer Bucket List

Hey gang,

Summer is so close I can almost taste it! 

There are so many things I love about this time of year:  sun-kissed skin and cotton dresses and trips to the strawberry patch.  I love sitting on the porch swing eating popsicles while the littles run through the water sprinkler in the front yard.  And this year my own sweet girl will be running through those sprinklers.  I just. can't. wait!

I want to make the most of this summer.  So I've been working on a Bucket List of all the things I want to do!  Some are geared specifically towards little ones - like making homemade playdough!   But I like to think that most of these things would be fun for all ages.  Because who doesn't love a good blanket fort and building sandcastles?

2017 BUCKET LIST

• Host a wine night
• Swim in a lake
• Have a living room dance party
• Jump on a trampoline
• Swing on a tree swing
• Stargaze in the middle of nowhere
• Make a blanket fort
• Grow lavender in a pot
• Reconnect with an old friend
• Drink fresh-squeezed lemonade
• Spend a day at the beach
• Build a sandcastle
• Pick strawberries at the patch
• Bake a fresh strawberry pie
• Take a boat ride
• Go tubing
• Play in a water sprinkler
• Make homemade popsicles
• Stomp through rain puddles
• Play a board game
• Make a flower crown
• Plant a butterfly garden
• Create sun art
• Finger painting
• Visit an aquarium
• Picnic at the park
• Have a pillow fight
• Take pictures on a disposable camera
• Say yes to an unexpected offer
• Send a handwritten letter
• Give an unexpected gift
• Listen to country music
• Take a road trip to anywhere
• Read a book
• Go on a date with my husband
• Book a couples massage
• Plan a cookout
• Sit out by the fire pit
• Play with sparklers
• Watch fireworks
• Tailgate with friends
• Go camping
• Roast marshmallows over an open fire
• Go bowling
• Sign up for a charity walk
• Take a break from social media
• Watch a sunset

Whew!  That's all I have for now - but I'm sure I'll be adding to the list as the days go on.  In the meantime, what are some of your plans for the summer?  Are there any special summer traditions that you can't wait to share with your family and little ones?  I want to hear all about them in the comments below!

With love,

Lace

A Trip to the Zoo

Hi guys!

Saturday was a little crazy for our family.  We had friends visiting from out of town and I shot a portrait session around noon to get a little more practice time in.  In the middle of our busy day, Luna fell down the stairs.  Thankfully she's okay and only has a scrape around her eye.  But it was a scary moment and a reminder for all of us that things can happen in an instant.

After all the chaos, we really needed some down time as a family.  I also wanted to take advantage of the beautiful weather on Sunday.  A trip to the zoo was just what we needed!

This was actually Luna's first time at a zoo!  And while it was important for me to get a few photos, it was even more important that I be present and enjoy the day with my family. 

One of the coolest things we saw were the peacocks.  I've seen peacocks before but for some reason I was really in awe of them today!  Maybe it was because I've never seen one fly into a tree and hang out there - what?!  Their feather tails are so gauzy and ethereal.  They really are like something from another era.

Unlike me, Luna wasn't a big fan of the peacocks.  At one point, we were picnicking next to the tree where they perched and one cawed pretty loud.  Poor Lu burst into tears and was completely inconsolable for a good five minutes!  She was also a little wary of the giraffe.  It tried to gobble up her hand as she held out a carrot and I could not stop laughing!

Probably my favorite part of the visit was when we gave Luna a piece of popcorn to feed the billy goats and she ate it herself instead!  It was such an endearing moment and made us laugh which we definitely needed!

After a few hours, it was time to go home.  But we had a great day and I'm glad we got to spend the time together as a family. 

What are some ways that you unwind with your family?  Are you excited that summer is just around the corner?!  Tell me all about your plans in the comments - I could use the inspiration!

With love,

Lace

P.S. I owe a huge THANK YOU to my husband for snapping the photos of me and Luna together.   I could not believe how well some of them turned out!  Actually, the ones he took were better than pretty much ALL my photos, ha!  Although in my defense, I was really caught up in the moment and completely focused on how adorable Luna was in her overalls ;)

Baby Registry Do's & Don'ts

Hey mommas,

When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to create a baby registry!  Between morning sickness and weight gain, it was a fun distraction from some of the more painful aspects of pregnancy.  But I was also really naive about the process.  And looking back, there are a few Do's and Don'ts that I want to remember next time around ...

DO research products thoroughly.  Check online reviews and read product descriptions.  When my daughter was born, I couldn't wait to use our new Ergo 360 Carrier.   The only problem?  It needed an infant insert that wasn't included.  If I'd done a little more research, I could have put it on my registry instead of shelling out $20 on it later.

DO register for items with a variety of price points.  While it's important to register for the bigger items, make sure to include more affordable products as well, such as a changing pad and crib sheets.  This ensures all guests can afford a gift you're sure to love.

DON'T register for items that you're not willing to buy yourself.  Keep in mind that you'll likely need to purchase the things you don't receive at the shower.  Only register for items that are within your budget, especially if they come as part of a matching set.

DO tell guests about the registry.  Include registry information on the shower invitations.  Make sure to list the name of the store, location, website, and the name the registry can be found under.  Older guests may have a difficult time accessing online registries so consider including step-by-step instructions.

DON'T expect everyone to purchase off the registry.  Better to be prepared for some unexpected surprises and practice your "I love it!" face before the shower.  On that note, try to keep an open mind.  You might just receive the perfect gift you never even knew you wanted!

DO check the registry frequently.  Baby products often go out of stock or get discontinued.  If this is the case, you'll want to know about it sooner rather than later and make changes if needed.

DO register at more than one store.  It's great to register with small, local boutiques.  But you should also select a few items at big name stores like Target or Babies 'R Us!  Guests will appreciate the options and you'll increase the probability of receiving a gift you love.

DON'T put the same items on both registries.  It can be uncomfortable when two people purchase the same gift.  Even more important, it's a hassle to return items after the fact. 

DO think long-term.  You might not need a high chair or convertible car sear right away, but a few months down the road you'll be glad you have them!

I wish I'd had this list BEFORE my baby shower!  Hopefully it will help make things a litttttle easier for you - especially when it comes to managing expectations about gifts :)

With love and best wishes,

Lace

A Step-By-Step Guide for How to Take Weekly Bump Photos

Hi mommas!

Pregnancy is such an exciting time!  And the photos you take during these months will be the same ones you show your son or daughter one day.  So why not make them count?!

I started taking weekly photos as soon as I found out I was expecting.  I was four weeks along and so so so excited.  It didn't matter that I wasn't "showing" yet.  I jumped right into weekly photos and never looked back!

It took a little creativity, but I was able to shoot my weekly bump photos by myself without a single bathroom mirror in sight.  I did it - and you can, too.  Here's how:

• Choose an outfit.  Select a single outfit that you can wear throughout your entire pregnancy.  It makes it easier to track your bump as it grows and takes the guess work out of what to wear each week.  My pick?  A white Liz Lange for Target maternity tank and everyday grey leggings.  Simple and comfy.
• Choose a pose.  Just like my outfit, I stuck with one pose rather than switching it up every week.  I like the one-hand-on-your-hip-the-other-on-your-belly stance for a nice skinny arm effect.  Ha! 

• Choose a location.  If possible, use a blank stretch of white wall.  We moved halfway through my pregnancy and sticking to a white wall made it MUCH easier to recreate the scene at a second location.
• Be consistent.  Take your photos on the same day each week and around the same time.  I always took mine on Fridays in the A.M.  :)
• Set up your camera.  If you have professional photography equipment, great!  If not, don't stress.  I didn't have a fancy camera (or camera stand) when I was pregnant.  I was using a good old iPhone6!  And my husband is a terrible photographer (sorry, babe!) so I knew I couldn't count on him to help.  Instead, I propped my phone in a bowl on the counter, aimed it at the wall, then set the timer to give me time to get in position.  Sounds crazy, right?  But it worked! 
• Do some test shots.  Once everything is in place, try a few test photos.  Are you standing in the right position?  Does your hair look good?  Are your clothes bunched up?  Make adjustments before you take the final photo.  Also, try to position yourself using the Rule of Thirds.  In other words, you don't want to be in the exact center of the photo.

• Get creative (if you want).  I've seen so many cute ideas out there, like using letter boards or chalk boards to track pregnancy cravings.  So sweet!  While I love those ideas, I kept a video journal throughout my pregnancy to keep track of the little details so I didn't necessarily want to include them in my photos.  But I did do something a little creative ... When I was 30 weeks pregnant, I posed with my husband for my weekly photo.  For every other photo, I posed alone.  But I planned all along to use THIS particular photo to announce the pregnancy on social media and I wanted my husband to be a part of it.  If you're wondering what I did with all the photos I took before week 30, they were just for me and my immediate family :)

• Crop and edit.  Most phones have capable photo editors these days.  My favorite (free) editing tool, though, is Instagram!  I used it to crop all my photos and also added the Moon filter which gives you a soft black-and-white effect. 
• Choose what you want to share.  I'm super selective with my social media posts.  In my experience, a single striking photo gets a lot more "likes" than dozens of posts featuring similar content.  So while you could post every photo, you could also space it out to once a month or once a trimester.  I only posted two pregnancy photos - one announcing I was pregnant (at 30 weeks) and one just before I gave birth (at 38 weeks, pictured below).  With that being said, do what works best for YOU.  This is your pregnancy!

Well, that's all I've got for today! 

Are you going to try some these tips at home?  If so, I'd love to see the final photos or projects ... a mini flip book, maybe?  Whatever you do, have fun and don't forget to share them using #laceandlubump!

Good luck momma!

Lace